nikkiscr

I always get this kick my butt into gear mode. I go from staying in the house all the time to being more social, staying on top of my diet, and get happy. Then I always seem to Fall back into my old routines. Seems like I spend one year with one great attitude and the next year with my old attitude.

I don’t understand it. I gain some weight back, start staying in, and get really grumpy.

I just realized I never want to go out, my weekends go by so fast because I don’t do anything. I feel like I am the odd one out since I am so young and everyone I know has plans for their weekend, I choose to go home and sit around, search the internet & watch tv.

Young and vibrant does Not come to mind when I think of myself.

I’m back up to 172 pounds (from 159 being my lowest weight) and I hate it. It’s not the pounds that bring me down so much but the way I act (like if i’m not losing weight rapidly then I feel bad about myself). Shy, introverted, don’t get dressed up. I see women who weigh more but look SO much better than me.

I can’t tell if it’s depression, or my weight that totally depends on my moods.

I am in a kick my butt into gear mode again…I’ll be getting on here everyday and will be watching what I eat. I just hope it sticks around…

Diet soda it like a “crutch” for  me. Rather than having a snack or junk food I will drink a diet soda. I have heard that it can in fact be bad for losing weight. I want my next “step” to be “putting down the diet pop”. I hope it makes a difference. Has anyone else gave it up, noticed a difference by Not drinking it? Just Very Curious…

I never really knew I could lose this much weight. I always though I would lose weight “Later” or start a “diet” tomorrow. But just eating better, drinking water, and being active has not only made me lose 35lbs, but made me feel better, and I don’t even want to overreat anymore. My stomach is has shrank, and I crave things that are better for me.

 Changing your diet & life style Really has a snowball effect, it just gets easier as time goes on.

Not to  my goal yet, but am feeling pretty happy today***

 Happy St. Patricks Day <3

I need to own what I did yesterday. I went to the bar thought I won’t drink, then it was 1, then it was 2 and so on. Then my inhibitions about my diet flew right away from me & I started eating. Dang it, Oh well, now I know that I just can’t drink, too many calories, not good for me, and I always eat & eat. I used to fail on a diet and think, It’s over. I failed. But now I know it’s just one bad day in 30 days of good dieting. I’m going to drink lots of water and ride my bike twice as long to at least make ap for a little bit of yesterday. So NO more drinking for Nikki.

It really upsets me when other people try to make me eat or make me feel guilty for not eating. I love my job & everyone I work with but everyday someone brings in chocolate, donuts, cookies, whatever. And it seems like if I say No Thanks, it’s rude. And then I get the “oh come on, I spent an hour baking them last night”. That is the hardest part about being on a diet.

and even worse….

I noticed I do that to my boyfriend all the time. ( he’s a skinny guy) so I don’t feel so bad. But I am always making him eat and trying to get him to finish everything on his plate. Like I love him & I guess I want him to feel good and enjoy food. But it’s stupid that I make him feel guilty for not being hungry just because I want to cook a big dinner.

 There is too much of a connection between love & food in my life.

So I am going to be Married this Summer. I know that I have to feel good on my most special day. My boyfriend is sweet and says I look great but I know my BMI and the mirror says otherwise. I realize that that extra 30 pounds keeps me from doing the things I would normally do. I used to be into dance but now I just think about what will jiggle when I am jumping around. Also I haven’t really been getting ready in the morning, I kind of feel like, What’s the point? My weight has been a roller coaster for as long as I can remember. I went from 160 to 105 more than once in my life. But I always slowly gain it back. This time I am going to keep it off. I can’t think of it as a “diet” I just need to live this way. Wish me luck! I’ve already lost 8-10 pounds and 1 full pant size. That is a lot for me.